Well, Last night was one of the worst nights of my life.
I just want to go live with my mom,
but it was looking near impossible at that time.
I have no friends, not even my twin sister loves me anymore.
Just this stupid, fat body that I am forced to live in.
In 15 days, the anniversary of my best friend will be mourned.
I won't even get to visit her grave.
She was only 15 years old when her moms boyfriend shot her and her mom
On Christmas Day.
They say time heals everything.
They fucking lied.
I had 14 sleeping pills left.
14 little blue pills,
Whats the worst that could happen?
I would welcome death with arms wide open right now.
I sent a text message to everyone that I loved,
Telling them how thankful I am to have them in my lifes
and that I loved them.
I took them four by four.
Taking 10X the recommend dosage.
As I lay there, thinking back on my life, All the mistakes I had made.
I became scared to die,
What if I went to hell?
I couldn't imagine it was worse then earth.
I drifted off to sleep, thinking death would find me and whisk me away.
About 3 hours later I woke up,
My heart was racing,
My body shaking uncontrollably.
My mouth was so dry I couldn't swallow
I tried to get up but my legs and arms were made of rubber.
I couldn't see anything.
I crawled into the bathroom were I proceeded to throw up.
Let me tell you a little secret.
Overdosing isn't a beautiful, easy death.
It's fucking horrible.
All of that and I somehow didn't die/
Maybe two more would have killed me?
Maybe I should have washed it down with a 5th of vodka.
Today was horrible as well.
I felt like I was drunk all day long.
Body aches, Mind spinning.
Felt Like I was gonna be sick all day long.
I also ate bad today.
A peice of toast with nutella - 150 calories.
A special K bar -90 calories.
A chicken sandwich from burger king - 630 calories.
I can't even remember the last time I ate that much.
I have been sleeping all day but I'm going back to sleep.
Stay Skinny and Happy <3