Saturday, December 24, 2011

I will not say Merry Christmas.

I hate Christmas.
Self indulgent
Every store is closed
People wearing those stupid red hats
The mess afterwards
The traffic
The total money drain
People not liking there gifts after you spent tons of time and money on it.
The loneliness
Realization that you have no significant other to buy you things.

Sorry Just a few of the things That I hate about Christmas.
Maybe its because I spend more money then I receive,
But thats what Christmas is about right, Giving and not receiving?
Or is about God's birthday?
Who fuckin knows.

I ate tons of calories today.
Atleast 2,000 calories.
Did you know 3,500 calories = A pound of fat?

My 10 day challenge is over and I managed to loose my 5 pounds.
I see absolutely no differnece.
I see pictures of people who weigh 130 -135 and there SO fucking skinny.
What the hell.
Maybe i just can't be skinny?
Maybe I will never see myself as skinny.

Pictures of me, I know I'm a fat, ugly, weirdo.
But please no negative comments.

Stay skinny and Festive <3

Questions and Awnsers.

How old are you?
17 Years young (:

Are You more Ana or Mia.
I really wouldn't consider myself either.
But if I had to say, Definitely Ana

You don't post very much.
Yes I know.. 
My life is very busy, not like that's an excuse, there's so many girls out here who have wayy busier life's then me and they manage to post everyday, I need to stay on top of it more.

Have you done any drugs/drank before?
Yes Sadly I have.
Basically every kind of pill

How much weight in total have you lost since you started this blog?
30 pounds.

Secrets to weight loss?
Water.Water. Water.
Absolutely no non diet soda
No snacking in between meals.
Don't weigh your self everyday
Always eat breakfast, even if its a small one

Favorite Band?
I love punk music and juggalo music.
1.Rise Against, 
If you have never heard them please please check them out, they are fucking amaing<3
2.Insane Clown Posse, 
If you don't know what a juggalo is don't google it,
nothing ut negative shit comes up, but yes I am a juggalo, and very proud of it (:

How many calories a day do you eat?
I usually try to stay under 500 calories a day.

Post pictures of yourself.
Not really a question, but I will in the next post, promise (:

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Not a normal 17 year old.

The things that I have seen, The things I have done
Most people won't do or see in two lifetimes.
I wouldn't wish any of these things on my worst enemies.
I have been raped.
My best friend was shot dead,
Beaten by my (ex) Boyfriends.
I have slept with over 15 guys,
Done an UN recordable amount of drugs.
Had to beg for money just to make it home at night.
Gotten so drunk i don't even know the name of the guy I'm laying next to.
I have never had a fateful boyfriend.
My boyfriend use to make me sleep with guys to get drugs/Money.

The thing is, All these things happened because of the choices I made.
God forgive me for my sins.
I am so sorry.
I don't want any pity, Just nice to get things off my chest.

As for the challenge I have 4 days left and I AM fasting.
I don't fucking care.
I am gonna be skinny god dammit. 

Also i have been getting a lot of questions.

So Next posting will be one of answering questions.
If you have any about my life, loosing weight or Ana and Mia
please comment
or email me at

Love you girls<3
Stay Skinny<3<3<3

Saturday, December 17, 2011


Today is warm and bright.
Feels nice not to be cold.
Ate a egg and toast - 150
A lean cuisine meal - 290
Total : 440
Woo hoo!
Gonna get my exercise tonight, I plan to go out walk around and dance tonight (:
didn't oversleep today, got about 7 hours,
But I haven't had any water yet today.
God its so hard!
I haven't weighed myself even though I want to so badly.
7 more days to go with the challenege and I'm scared I won't loose any weight.
I really hope I loose this 5 pounds

A lot of my favorite blogs haven't been writing much lately :(
Come on lady's I need you!!
Kinda boring post I don't have much to say.

Posting some pictures of food,
Don't worry it won't make you want to eat junk food (:
Stay skinny Loves <3

Friday, December 16, 2011

I have died everyday waiting for you,

Well Hello Lovelys.

Today has been pretty good,
Only ate a plain piece of toast 70 calories.
The reason  ate so little is because yesterday I binged badly.
I am guessing around 1000 calories.

So tired of this. 
Santa, The only thing I want for Christmas is to be thin.

I haven't weighed myself for two days, not going to until I'm finished with this 10 day challenge.
Working on drinking my water for the day,
Even though its only 2 liters, I have a hard time doing that.
I don't like water at all.
Got my hour of exercise yesterday and today.
Two days down 8 more to go.

Main purpose of this post is to address the hate I have been getting lately.
Tis' the season to hate.
I have been receiving messages as well as comments.
Telling me how " I'm ruining my life, how I'm going to regret this"
Ruining what life???
Being overweight, is NOT a life.
It's a fuckin waste of a life.
I do not want to spend the few years of being young that I have left being fat.
I want to be happy, and carefree.
The only way I can do that is to be thin.
If that means enduring a few months of not "Enjoying food" then so be it.
I'm sure most of these people behind this hate 
Has never been called fat,
Has never been ridiculed to the point of suicide,
Has never hated herself so much she can't look in the mirror,
Has never been the "fat" girlfriend or the "fat"one out of a group of girls.
So before you come at me saying I promote ana, which I don't.
Before you tell me I'm ruining my life take a step back and put yourself in my shoes.
No I don't ask for your pity or your prayers, I just ask you give me respect.
I didn't make this blog to be "pro ana"
Or anything like that, I had no were else to go,
No one else to turn to.
I love giving encouragement to the girls who need it
and receiving words of kindness from people who know what I'm going through

I'm not alone in this fight anymore,
I have 100's of people going through the same thing.
I belong here, no one will take this from me, no one.

Sorry about my raging, just thought I would get that out there.
And if you don't agree with what I'm doing please un-follow me
or even block me if you'd like.
I don't need anymore negativity in my life.

Stay Skinny and Positive<3

Thursday, December 15, 2011

A change.

 I gained back the two pounds I lost.
I have no clue how.
I have been eating literally nothing.

So I'm gonna change things up a bit.
I'm going to start doing the 10 day challenge.
Here it is.

So what you want to aim for is
At least 2 Liters of water - 20
1 hour of exercise -20
8 hours of sleep - 20
and maximum of 500 calories - 20
= 800 points


I think my problem is 
1.I drink hardly any water.
2. Little to no exercise
3.I only eat 300 calories a day
4. I sleep WAY to much, usually 11 hours

Yesterday i had
bowl of cereal 120
Toast 70
Fudge 100
= 390 calories

Today i had
Bowl of cereal : 120
Lime ice cream bar: 80
pomegranate: 50
= 260 calories.

Would anyone like to join me?

Stay skinny, and loose 5 pounds with me (; <3

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Work out for mee,

Currently obsessed with J. coles new song.
Actually i don't know if its his newest song, but itss pretty new.

There it is, Beware it has a catchy beat (;

Did very good calorie wise.
Bowl of cearel with soy milk - 150 calories.
Sweet roll - 90 calorie.
250 Calories.

I feel very sick at the moment, probably from so little food.
Gonna drink a bottle of water and then sleep.
Lost two pounds <3

Two down, 13 more to go.
It will be super hard to loose the rest.
But I can do it, And for you other bloggers who are also doing this
Everytime I want to eat something,
I say NO,
Don't disappoint your bloggers (:
It has worked very well.

Many of you ask me about my cereal I eat.

There is my cereal and my milk (:
1 cup of Kashi cereal has only 120 calories, with 0 from fat.
And 1 cup of soy almond milk has 60 calories, I usually only use a half cup.
I guess its not even soy milk, don't know why i call it that ha

Well I'm quite tired and have to wake up early.
Stay skinny Lovelys.
I will read ALL your blogs before going to bed as always.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Warm, But so Cold.

Is it possible to be warm on the inside, but yet freezing cold on the outside?
I am freezing cold right now.
Lately, I am always cold. Unless a heater is blaring in my face.
Downside of not eating I guess.
Always said I would rather be cold, then hot.
Guess I got my wish.
But I feel warm on the inside, Happiness brewing?
I get to go home, (my real home 1,000 miles away) soon.
I am so happy, I could literally cry tears of joy.
I have never cried tears of joy before.
Might sound odd, But I adore the snow.
The cold.
I would much rather buddle in cute layers then
Strip of the layers to reveal whats underneath.
I love Stockings, boots, jackets and scarfs.
I hate bathing suits, short shorts and tiny tanktops.
Mostly because I look revolting in them.

Luckly my hometown is cold 9 months out of 12
Woo Hoo!
I only ate an egg and piece of toast and a sweet roll today. 290 calories.
I really want to loose 15 more pounds.
By January 2nd (when I go home)
My motivation is so strong.
I would weigh 115. 
Weird saying that number considering I came from 155.
My Ultimate goal is 110 by end of January.
45 pound weight loose in 3 months.
Nothing to brag about.
On the not so bright side of news.
My dad cried when he found out I tried to kill myself.
My sister didn't believe me, when she finally did she called me stupid and selfish.
What every depressed person wants to hear.
 My mom cried too, Bless her heart.
My mom is my hero no matter what.
I love her more then anyone in this universe.
I will post a picture of me and her when i get home (:
She is beautiful.
But the main reason I even posted tonight, 
Is to thank you guys.
Every last one of my followers.
Everyone who has took at least a second out of there busy days to think of me.
Everyone who has given me motivation or praise.
You guys ARE the reason I am still here.
If your reading this you are my hero.
I made this blog because I had no were else to go,
No one else to confess my secrets to.
You blogger's hold all my secrets and never judge me for any of them.
I am forever thankful.
If you think you have done nothing with your life you are wrong.
You have saved mine.
I leave you with some Motivational pictures.

Maybe I shall do this^^^

Could be worth trying?

Saturday, December 10, 2011


Well, Last night was one of the worst nights of my life.
I just want to go live with my mom,
but it was looking near impossible at that time.
I have no friends, not even my twin sister loves me anymore.
Just this stupid, fat body that I am forced to live in.

In 15 days, the anniversary of my best friend will be mourned.
I won't even get to visit her grave.
She was only 15 years old when her moms boyfriend shot her and her mom
On Christmas Day.
They say time heals everything.

They fucking lied.

I had 14 sleeping pills left.
14 little blue pills,
Whats the worst that could happen?
I would welcome death with arms wide open right now.
I sent a text message to everyone that I loved,
Telling them how thankful I am to have them in my lifes
and that I loved them.
I took them four by four.
Taking 10X the recommend dosage.

As I lay there, thinking back on my life, All the mistakes I had made.
I became scared to  die,
What if I went to hell?
I couldn't imagine it was worse then earth.
I drifted off to sleep, thinking death would find me and whisk me away.

About 3 hours later I woke up,
My heart was racing, 
My body shaking uncontrollably.
My mouth was so dry I couldn't swallow
I tried to get up but my legs and arms were made of rubber.
I couldn't see anything.
I crawled into the bathroom were I proceeded to throw up.

Let me tell you a little secret.
Overdosing isn't a beautiful, easy death.
It's fucking horrible.

All of that and I somehow didn't die/
Maybe two more would have killed me?
Maybe I should have washed it down with a 5th of vodka.

Today was horrible as well.
I felt like I was drunk all day long.
Horrible headaches, 
Body aches, Mind spinning.
Felt Like I was gonna be sick all day long.
I also ate bad today.
A  peice of toast with nutella - 150 calories.
A special K bar -90 calories.
A chicken sandwich from burger king - 630 calories.
870 calories.

I can't even remember the last time I ate that much.

I have been sleeping all day but I'm going back to sleep.

Stay Skinny and Happy <3

Friday, December 9, 2011


So I just got back from the concert,
There had to be at least 3,000 people there.
It was insane, 
Until I fuckin fainted.

So it went like this,
The second band, A Day to remember
just got done playing, And I was standing in the crowd waiting for the next band Rise Against to start playing.
I started to feel really sick to my stomach, but I didn't want to leave the crowd for fear of loosing my amazingly close position to the stage. Then I knew I was going to throw up so i made my way out of the crowd towards the bar to get some water, but all of sudden my vision went almost completely away and my head felt like it was full of sand, My legs gave out beneath me and i just crumbled to the floor. Some guy gave me a cup of water and asked if i needed him to call 911, Which of course i said no to. After 5 minutes I got up and went to the bathroom were I sat for about 10 minutes, Put a cold paper towel to my face and I was fine?

Super weird I know.
All I had was a 90 calorie Special K bar and  200 calorie Spring rolls.
290 Calories and barely any water + Jumping around and extreme heat for a half hour.
I think thats what did it but I am not sure at all.
Anyone have any experience with this?!
I still feel sick and I'm shaking so I had a non diet Dr. Pepper
and a 6 inch ham and cheese subway sandwich.
Hmm, Overall a pretty great night.
Lost another pound, 4 pounds away from my 15 pound loose in 24 days 
and my time is up. oh well I suppose.
Thanks for all you support,
Stay Skinny, And healthy<3

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Bizaar, Bizzar.

As I sit here, Blogging.
Reading other people's inspiring blogs
In my warm bed, Counting down the hours until I get to see my favorite band of all time in concert.
Texting about 10 different guys, begging to see me.
Everything Seems perfect.

Until, I get up and see my refelection in my full length mirror.
I don't see what everyone else see's.
I don't see a Pretty, Thin, Young woman.
I see an ugly, fat, scared child.
Sometimes, I just want to give up.
It's so hard to keep fighting, to be happy.
To count every single calorie that enters my mouth.
To cry every time I go over 400 calories a day.
To think, "How many miles do I have to run to work off this cookie"
When will this end, When will i be fuckin happy.
More importantly, When I will be skinny.

I promise I will post more later.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Beautiful Wreck,

That's what I am,
A Beautiful Wreck.
Well as you guys know I am still on my loose 15 pounds in 24 days thing.
I have lost 11 pounds so far and i have three days left.
I really thought I could do this,
I guess we will see what the next three days have in store.

I have been eating very good,
All I had was a 90 calorie special K Bar
But then I got fuckin wasted.
I had probably 5 beers and three shots of Bacardi
I know I am a lightweight,
in my defense when you don't eat all day and haven't drank hard alcohol in well over a month,
Bad things happen.
I have no idea how many calories that haul included.
I planned on coming home and going for a run
But I got home around 6am and nearly peed my pants trying to get to the bathroom in time
Then i woke at 9am on my floor, fully clothed.
Jacket, pants, shoes and scarf intact.
haha, Needless to say i was in no condition to run.

Yesterday I ate a bowl of ceral
200 calories 
and A Fucking hot pocket.
340 calories.
Then I went for a mile run.

Today I ate
A bowl of ceral - 150 calories.
And a Diet Pepsi.

God  I hope I loose more weight.

My home made bagels are cooking right now.
Damn me for being such a good cook!!

I was reading some ones blog yesterday and they were talking about  having an Ultimate Goal.
Hmm, So last night and today I was thinking, What is my "Ultimate Goal"?
I decided on one, its not very "cool" or anything like that.
But, We have this thing here in Las Vegas called, "The Extreme Thing"
I went to it last year and plan on going again this year.
It's like the Warp Tour, For those of you who know what that is.
For those of you who don't,
it's basically a huge outside event, were tons of "Extreme" Bands get togather and play.
Theres like 40 different stages, Vendors of all types, Lots of food and BMX and skateboarding competitions
It's VERY fun, hot shirtless tattooed guys with mohawks,
And lots and lots of pretty skinny gurls -__-
Well this year I hope to be one of those girls,
With a cut in half shirt and fuckin tight shorts, with NO muffin tops.
I also Want to crowd surf (:
i never have, for the fear i am to fat and no one will be able to lift me.

^^ Skinny Beotch, Crowd surfing.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I know I can do this.

Hello long lost Bloggers.
Why am I losing touch with this blog.
It makes me so sad.
I have been so fucking busy it's so hard to keep up on it.
but I have to, I love it to much to let it go.
Just got back from my run,
Felt great.

Yesterday was my birthday.
I ate horribly.
I felt like I deserved it, like since I wasn't gettin any presents I deserved to eat?
Stupid i know.
Well for breakfeat I had - 1 large pancake with surup and butter
2 peices of turkey bacon 
And a Egg.
Then I had A large peice of papa johns Hawain pizza
And A HUGE piece of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
Total: I am guessing a 1000 calories.
I went for a 6 mile walk after that
So 600 calories burned.
Still stretched my stupid stomach out.

Depise my horrible binge I haven't gained any weight.
I fasted all day today and went for a mile run.
5 More pounds in 8 days.
Think I can do it?
I know I can.

Thinspo Anyone ? (:

Stay Skinny,
Love you ladiess<3